Our Homeschool Story: The Beginning

I often reference our homeschool beginnings as I write about our experiences and my recommendations. I decided to share our story in one place, instead of bits and pieces here and there.

My husband, Sam, and I attended public school. I can’t think of anyone that I knew ‘back then’ that was homeschooled. We are in our 40s now, so while homeschooling was a possibility, it wasn’t common.

Our Family

When we had a family, I stayed home with our children. Three years after our son, Sammy, was born, we welcomed a daughter, Aspen. Thirteen months later, we were blessed with a second daughter and third child, Madison.

Over the years, I picked up the odd job here and there – selling produce, running a newspaper route, selling Home Interior décor, babysitting, to name a few – but only to earn a little extra money, never any long term positions.  I loved being home with the kids, but I never even thought about homeschooling. Sending your kids to school at age 5 was just “what you did.”

Time for Preschool

When Sammy reached preschool age, I reluctantly sought out a preschool program. Neither Sam nor I had attended preschool, and I wanted to keep my children home with me as long as possible. However, ALL the kids went to preschool – and keeping Sammy home instead of exposing him to school at this young age seemed to imply that I would hinder his progress. ALL the kids were learning skills that Sam and I had learned in kindergarten, in preschool. And besides, Sammy was not a child that liked to sit still (understatement) and I was having trouble teaching him anything remotely academic. It was not a lack of intelligence, but rather a lack of attention span and interest.

I found a preschool that I truly loved, and Sammy enjoyed it, too. In his preschool classroom, he quickly learned all the things that I had struggled to teach him.

School days…and struggles

The next year, I tearfully sent him to kindergarten at a private Christian school. The school was fine, as schools go, but it wasn’t what I thought it would be. To be fair, I thought that certainly there was no school in the world that would live up to my expectations for my firstborn.

It is important for me to share how much Sammy loved books. I am a bookworm from wayyy back, and my children are used to stacks of books everywhere. I read to Sammy from the time he was born, and as a toddler the first thing he’d want to do each morning was listen to me read a book to him.

At his first birthday party, he received a Golden book, The Lion King. It was his favorite movie, and he was over the moon to have it in book form. He stood up, amongst all the toys, wrapping paper, and excited guests, and tried to toddle off by himself so he could look at that book.

At the kindergarten open house, his teacher told the parents that the children would be reading by Christmas. I have to admit, I had my doubts, but I kept them to myself. Sammy didn’t like to sit still and go over mundane, repetitive school-like tasks. However, I didn’t take into account his enthusiasm for learning to read. He was so excited! And he was not only reading by Christmas, he finished the year reading several grade levels ahead.

After Sammy’s kindergarten year, Sam and I decided that in the future we would not be able to afford three kids in private school. So Sammy attended the local public school’s first grade. It was a year of an intensive phonics program, a teacher that yelled at the children, and a reading testing program that began to unravel his love of books. I didn’t see it at the time this was ‘school’ and we were doing what we thought we had to do. Sammy knew more about how to divide syllables, determine the stresses of said syllables, and add symbols to denote vowel sounds and countless more subtleties than I had ever learned (or knew existed, for that matter). Sammy didn’t want to sit still on the rug for long periods of time. His handwriting, which had been really good, was repeatedly criticized for the smallest infraction. After several months, his handwriting really began to suffer, and he ceased to try as hard. I would later learn that the same thing had happened with a number of other students over the years under this teacher.

Every book read was worth a certain number of points, and as his school career continued, the quest for points was the focus – not the subject of the book or the interest of the reader. Every book was followed by a test.  A short test, but a test nonetheless. More than once, his book choice was redirected by his teachers to a book that was worth more ‘points.’ We ceased to read for pleasure in an all-consuming fervor to attain a certain number of points.

Second grade came with a wonderful teacher that loved to read to the kids. And several bullies. I learned that often the system cripples the classroom teacher from effectively dealing with bullies in their classroom.

I watched his self-esteem begin to crumble. And it broke my heart. I felt helpless.

Third grade began with a round of strep throat. The first round of antibiotics didn’t help, but more antibiotics seemed to come with more complications. He complained of pain and nausea and missed school. He hit a wall with the multiplication tables. No matter how hard we tried, they did not stick in his head. His teacher accused him of not trying. I knew that wasn’t true. Of course, math (like time) waits for no man. His work began to suffer because how could he excel at more difficult multiplication and division when his work contained errors due to inconsistency with the memorization of the multiplication tables?

Meanwhile, we were back and forth at his pediatricians and to make a long story short, she came to the conclusion that his nerves were just about shot. And his anxiety was manifesting in real physical symptoms.

An eight year old boy. My son. Physically sick because his nerves had had all they could take.

I didn’t know what to do, but I told him to hold on until summer, because I’d think of something.

Meanwhile, Aspen had begun kindergarten in the same school. She was doing great – she’s an extroverted little people pleaser whom the teachers loved. Bubbly, smiling, full of enthusiasm. Until she got home. Then she was exhausted and sporting a five-going-on-fifteen-years-old attitude. Her sister, only a year younger, had been her very best friend. Madison would count down the minutes until Aspen got home, but Aspen was embracing her move up the hierarchy and didn’t always want to play with her “little” sister.

By the end of the year, I was at my wit’s end.

Summer came and as it progressed, I watched Sammy’s health slowly and surely improve, Aspen’s irritable attitude disappear, and my children return to their happy, contented selves.

Madison was supposed to start kindergarten the next year, and I went as far as to register her. She was academically gifted, no doubt, but she struggled with social situations. Preschool had been a nightmare that never got any better, despite being a small class with wonderful teachers. A wise older mother counseled me to hold her back a year, but I knew that she was ready for the academics, just not ready for the pressures of the classroom – the same pressures I had seen take a toll on her brother and sister.

In Search of Another Option

Sam and I started talking about homeschooling. We decided we needed to try. I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing, so I reached out to the only other person I knew that homeschooled her three young children.

I had met one other homeschooling mother when Sammy was in preschool, and she welcomed me into her home, answered my questions, and told me how to get started. Her planner was immaculate and she even had a teacher’s desk. I wasn’t sure that I had what it took to create a school day as perfectly planned as hers, but I didn’t want her to think I was incompetent, so I didn’t say so. I will always be thankful for her willingness to help me along the way, and I have tried to ‘pay it forward’ by encouraging and offering advice to other families on this journey.

Homeschool

I have been pretty open about the depths of anguish and fear I experienced when I began. I want other mothers to know that questioning yourself is normal, and not an indication that you won’t do a great job!

We had good homeschooling days – days that make for great stories, blog posts, and proud mom moments – and we had not-so-good days. Days when there were tears, boredom, frustration, even days when it looked like we had accomplished very little.

It really wasn’t until I stood at the end of this journey and looked back that I realized how absolutely beautiful all the days were. How we learned and grew and stretched ourselves – in the good days and the days we thought weren’t all that great.

I wouldn’t change a thing, because my kids turned out to be amazing people. Responsible, loving, intelligent, confident, hard-working, compassionate people with a sense of humor, big dreams, and gigantic faith in their Creator.

And the Results…

Sammy started his own business while he was still in school, which has grown over the years to support him and his wife. He is a confident, driven, calm, and responsible young man whom people instinctively like and trust. He was married in 2016 to a young lady he met while on a mission trip to Honduras three years earlier. She has been a blessing to our entire family, and I can’t imagine having a better daughter-in-law than this beautiful young woman.

Aspen works in retail and as a virtual assistant. She loves diversifying her skills and meeting people. (And dressing up and getting out in public. Those extroverts! Haha!) She received her black belt in American Freestyle Karate in the spring of this year and was also a member of a local boxing gym for a while. She has traveled to four other countries doing mission work over the last several years.

Madison is a college student, studying to acquire her Bachelor’s degree in Criminal Psychology, and works part-time. She has been on the Dean’s List every semester. An advanced pre-black belt in American Freestyle Karate, her interests and hobbies are numerous and diverse.  

I know I’m bragging on my kids, but most of all what I want you to see is this: our homeschool wasn’t perfect, I didn’t get it all right all the time, I had lots of concerns and questioned myself frequently…and my kids turned out pretty good, if I do say so myself. Keep on keeping on, mama, those babies are going to be blessed by your efforts, grow in this journey, and make you thankful for all the days – the joyful ones and the tear-stained ones.

You might also enjoy:

• If you’re thinking of homeschooling, or have questions about getting started (includes links to sites that contain lots of useful information)
• If your child is learning the multiplication tables, and especially if your child is struggling with the multiplication tables, this is our story about the amazing little program that helped Sammy memorize in an hour multiplication facts that he had struggled with for two years!
• Here are lots of ideas to appeal to all learning preferences when teaching your children the letters of the alphabet.