Homeschooling an Extrovert

You might be wondering if homeschooling an extrovert is a good idea. Or how you will keep them happily socializing with people. Or how you will keep them happily socializing with people without losing your sanity in the process. 

Oh, those pesky socialization questions. Guaranteed to be asked by concerned friends and grandmas, nosy neighbors, and complete strangers, “What about socialization?” makes some homeschool moms want to cry and others, laugh. Sometimes both.
I’m here to reassure you: breathe in and breathe out, mamas, the traditional classroom is not the only option to keep your extroverts happy and connected to ‘real people’ and your introverts from living a hermit life on an island somewhere.

My two daughters are opposites on the ‘social spectrum.’ Aspen is a bona fide, flamboyant, show-me-the-crowds extrovert. Her younger sister by 13 months, Madison, would rather not see a crowd. Ever. Or at least rarely.

I’m not addressing the questioners, because it’s none of their business, if we’re being very honest and very bold. I’m writing to encourage the moms. It’s so hard to do ALL THE THINGS, including customizing an education and making sure that you utilize your child’s strengths and help them with their weaknesses. I want you to know that I’ve been there, done that, and homeschooling an extrovert successfully is not only doable, it’s wonderful!

ABOUT THOSE EXTROVERTS…

This is just from observation, y’all, because I’m quite the introvert myself. Although I’m a social one, which makes me look like an extrovert sometimes. I just genuinely like people and enjoy hearing their story. My husband is an extrovert that gets tired of people quickly, so he looks more like an introvert. Sometimes it’s really hard to tell which is which. The best thing I have read that describes the difference is this: extroverts GET energy from being with other people; other people TAKE energy from introverts. Of course, sometimes extroverts need down time and introverts want to socialize. But this description is the best I have seen to distinguish between the two.

An extrovert can insert themselves into any social situation with ease. They don’t seem to feel the same tension as an introvert in a crowd. This makes it easier to be a part of group activities and especially new places and new people.
Because of this, finding all those socialization opportunities for your extrovert are not too hard – even if they aren’t crazy about the activity, they might love the group interaction! Aspen played several different sports as a young girl. It wasn’t actually the sports she cared about – she loved the interaction with her teammates, the regularly scheduled meetings and practices, and with each sport and each year, she got to meet even more new people! (Cue the gasps of horror from the introverts.)

GENERALIZED STRENGTHS & WEAKNESSES OF AN EXTROVERT

Extroverts tend to be natural leaders and strong communicators. However, even though they may be first to approach and strike up a conversation, they sometimes talk too much and don’t listen as well as their introverted counterparts. They are known to be risk-takers, and while they may take the initiative on projects, they can also get bored with menial tasks. They find it easier to express emotion and love working in groups. This also means they may struggle to work, or spend a lot of time, alone.

AN EXTROVERT IN THE HOMESCHOOL

The beauty of homeschooling an extrovert was actually having the ability to expand her opportunities for socialization; homeschool didn’t limit it as much as the classroom would have. Aspen had friends from EVERYWHERE and EVERY AGE. She never judged someone to be too old or too young to be her friend. She had friends from private school, public school, homeschool – at her 13th birthday party, as a mother dropped off her daughter and saw the multitude of young girls (ages 11-15) in the front yard, she exclaimed, “How does she KNOW all these people?”
That’s a good laughable moment for the homeschool mom – a moment we file away to be used later for those annoying socialization questions.

So how did she know all those people and how do you keep your extrovert happily meeting and interacting with people?

SOCIAL OPPORTUNITIES FOR EXTROVERTS

Family

Nurture friendships among siblings.
Notice I said “nurture” and not “force.” Be fair and don’t give your kids reasons to harbor feelings of rivalry or insecurity. Sibling rivalry often arises from time to time, but let it run its course or intervene to shut it down, but don’t encourage it. A lifetime friendship is so much more valuable than a soccer season or anything that pits sibling against sibling. Nurture and encourage children to value their talents, not spend time sulking over something they view as a shortcoming simply because a sibling is “better at it” than they are.
Also, if there is a significant age gap between your children, encourage them to care deeply for each other, but don’t necessarily expect them to treat a much younger sibling as their best friend, taking them everywhere and including them in everything. Treat ages accordingly and fairly or you may set up resentments between siblings that have nothing to do with them and everything to do with your treatment of the situation.
Encourage friendships with cousins. Attend the bridal showers, church potlucks, and family reunions, allowing kids to get to know their family – and survive and later laugh about all the stories and memories they made.
Our kids spent time with some of their cousins growing up, and those friendships are quite priceless to them. They’ve survived disagreements, rivalry, tears, and arguments – because at the end of the day, kids left to work things out will eventually work things out, forgive, and be plotting mischief together faster than you can keep up.

Church

This was a big deal to our family. We were very active at church and our kids were in the middle of lots of church activities. They attended Sunday school classes, children’s church classes and field trips, and Vacation Bible School, not to mention playing on the church yard after church was over while the adults were standing around and talking. Later, they were active members of the teenage youth group and participated in fundraisers, potlucks, and volunteering opportunities.
Even if you don’t attend church, your children would be welcome at children’s church activities. You could contact and ask to speak with youth leaders and the pastor of your local church to find out about youth activities.
Also, in the summer when looking for activities, don’t discount church Bible Schools. Our kids attended three each summer, one at a Pentecostal church (our home church), a Presbyterian church (that I had grown up in), and a Baptist church (where they had been invited by friends)! And they enjoyed each one, and were welcomed at each church every summer. Good news for your budget as well: all of the Bible schools that I’m aware of are free. This is a great way for your extrovert to meet new people.

Homeschool Groups

We live in a very rural area, and there were three large homeschool groups that I was aware of, and probably several others that I was not aware of. I never participated, although I always ‘intended to’ but year after year passed by without me becoming involved. However, they networked and offered classes and field trips and kept each other up to date on local activities and lots more I wouldn’t know anything about because I wasn’t involved. As a matter of fact, if you’re an extrovert parent, YOU might love the homeschool groups, too.

Activities at your Local Public School

Some school districts are apparently more open to homeschoolers being involved in activities at the public schools than others, from what I hear. Also, some activities are hosted but not directly under the umbrella of the school, so your children are as eligible as any to sign up. Our daughters participated in Girl Scouts at the local public school. Their meetings were held after the school day ended, in one of the classrooms. Inquire at the school and with other parents as to what may be available through the school system.

The Library

The library is a great place for community information. Often the library sponsors programs and activities for children, and the librarians are very helpful. Don’t hesitate to ask at your local library about upcoming events.

Sports

Not all extroverts are enthusiastic athletes. However, being a part of a team means PEOPLE, which does get an extrovert’s attention. Aspen was an active child that enjoyed physical activity – but she didn’t have a competitive bone in her body and she really could not care less about the rules and subtleties of sports.
There was an organization in our area that offered opportunities for elementary aged children to participate in various sports, either on teams (like their soccer program) or through skills workshops (their volleyball and tennis programs) for very minimal fees, as the coaches were volunteers. Over the years, Aspen participated in their soccer, basketball, tennis, and volleyball programs. Every year she enthusiastically signed up again, with the exception of basketball – one year was enough for her on that one. She liked some of the programs more than others, but in each, she made friends and enjoyed the diverse settings.

Dance & Piano Lessons & Horseback Riding &….

Obviously, there are multiple options if you are willing and able to pay for lessons. This is a great way for your extrovert to meet other people that have similar interests and talents.

Community events

Most communities have tours and events throughout the year – if not right next door, consider a day-long field trip to neighboring communities for horse shows, sports games, carnivals, festivals, historical tours and reenactments, musical concerts, outdoor movies, the list could go on and on. Although these are not ongoing events so it may not be that your extrovert will make a lot of long-term friends, they will be around other people – soaking up all that lovely energy— and enjoying diverse activities. (And actually chances are good they will strike up plenty of conversations and probably make a few friends along the way as well!)

In Hindsight

We consider the needs of the extrovert in terms of socialization, and rightly so. But sometimes we let this worry us or think it’s the hard part.
Unless you remove yourself from civilization or refuse to interact with people ever, your extrovert is going to be just fine.
It is important for them to spend time with people. Introverts, especially when we are their parents, need to remember that extroverts need the energy of others just as we need to retreat from that energy sometimes to stay emotionally healthy.
In hindsight, I see other relevant perspectives about homeschooling our extroverts.
Extroverts do well with striking up conversations, getting excited about new opportunities, and good ole competition.
We understand that extroverts need to get out there and socialize, and focus on that.
But remember: that is catering to their strengths. Which is important, don’t misunderstand. However, it is also important to help them learn to work alone and motivate themselves, even when no one else is watching. That is an opportunity in homeschool.
My daughter loved brainstorming and ideas and books and schedules and left to her own devices in high school, she would have created a schedule for herself that was not humanly possible to achieve!
The struggle is not in the initial motivation for an extrovert or helping them socialize, but in helping them to wade through the mundane every day and meet deadlines when they are bored or tired of the assignment or wanting to move on to something more exciting or involving more people.
Sometimes extroverts can be so caught up with PEOPLE that they value social position and social activities more than anything else. Homeschool offers an opportunity to monitor this desire and encourage balance in your child’s priorities.
When homeschooling an extrovert, encourage their strengths by involving them in all sorts of people-y situations, but don’t overbook and exhaust yourself and your family trying to satisfy that nagging fear of not providing enough social opportunities. You are educating and raising a child, what your in-laws think of your schedule is not relevant.
Our goal is to guide our children and establish boundaries so that their strength works for them and does not become a weakness.

Homeschooling an Extrovert

Remember that the goal is not to surround your child with other children of their age only. That is an unrealistic representation of life. We often think our children are missing out if they aren’t regularly exposed to 30 children of the exact same age, give or take 10 months. Nothing could be farther from the truth. In life, our friends don’t have to be OUR EXACT AGE, and often aren’t. As a matter of fact, never again after graduation will public or private schooled children be surrounded by peers who are their age only.
Being around children of a similar age is wonderful, but so is the ability to converse with the elderly, entertain toddlers, and be open-minded to friendships with others, regardless of age or any other differences for that matter.
An extrovert doesn’t mind, unless you do. So just get out there, embrace opportunities as they arise, search for some fun and challenging activities, and let your extrovert enjoy the energy of people and the novelty of various experiences.
You will find that socialization opportunities are actually endless.
Life lessons of navigating through solitude and being motivated without the roar of the crowds are valuable.
Homeschooling an extrovert is not only possible, it’s fantastic!

You might also enjoy:

• Encouragement for homeschooling moms
• The story of how our homeschool began
• How to get started homeschooling: laws and links