The 2 Rules My Kids Were Never Allowed to Break

Every parent has that rule. You know, the one the kids know not to push. You might say that is true for all your rules, but you’re not fooling me. I’m a mom. I wanted my word to be law, but even when I really meant it, kids seem to instinctively know they can push a liiiiitttle bit more. But then there’s that one thing. That one they will later tell the grandkids, “Ooooh, you didn’t want to make her mad and try that!” It’s the thing you can’t get away with. It’s the rule they know not to break.

Every Family Has “That” Rule

Watch a family long enough and you can see which rule it is. It’s funny to me, because all parents have their own unbreakable rule. I remember one mother who absolutely insisted her children sit still in church. I saw them wreak havoc in many situations, but if those kids got too wiggly during a church service, her face would set like stone and a glance from her eyes could pierce steel and those kids ceased to wiggle quite so much.

Sometimes I’ve wondered if we, as parents, even consciously choose our unbreakable rule. I desperately wanted to be just and fair and steady in my words. If I spoke, I wanted the children to know I meant it. However, over the years I have implemented THE LOOK and I have disciplined and I have threatened discipline and I have withheld privilege and I have been calm and I have been not so calm…and yet, my kids seemed to push the boundaries. Just a little. Or sometimes a lot. Just when they wanted to see if maybe I meant it or maybe I didn’t. Just when they could.

Because they’re just kids.

And that’s what kids do.

Except when it came to two rules that were apparently my laser-gaze-inducing rules. I didn’t think about it at the time, but I realized it along the way: they never pushed when it came to these two rules.

(Disclaimer: there are no affiliate links, but there is a tiny rant included. Brace yourself.)

Unbreakable Rule #1

Never hit your mother.

It makes me furious to see children treating their mother just any ole way. And if you want to see me absolutely livid, tell me that you “just can’t do anything” with your three year old as he bludgeons you about the head and neck when he doesn’t get his way.

I will have to walk away to keep from having a temper tantrum of my own.

If you want your children to respect other people, have compassion on their elders, be in line with God’s Word (it’s the only commandment with a blessing attached to it – Exodus 20:12), and not be unbearable little brats now and disrespectable spouse beaters later, step up to the plate as a parent and accept nothing less than their respect now.

Woah, that got heavy. Yes, indeed it did. Because populating the world with kids that think it is ok to hit their parents, plow through the elderly because they walk slowly, spit on an adult in rebellion, and show no compassion to people they deem to be different, below them, or uncool, point directly to cases of poor parenting.

I said it.

Am I implying that good parents never have children that do these things? Of course not. I’m saying that children left to their own judgments and devices will be selfish and may do all these things. As a matter of fact, children taught to know better may still try several of these things on the regular to see how much they can get away with.

I didn’t say good parents won’t have kids that do these things, I said “kids that think it is OK.”

Children will be children.

That’s not my gripe.

My gripe is parents that refuse to parent.

And my point is, kids know what your unbreakable rule is. And if this isn’t one of them, I suggest you do some soul-searching and do yourself and the rest of the world a favor and make this rule non-negotiable.

If your children know that there will be zero tolerance and negative circumstances for bullying others and disrespecting elders, they will be less likely to want to engage in those behaviors.

We, as humans, ultimately look out for number one. We are born kind of selfish, if we’re honest. Some souls are kinder and meeker than others, and some really embrace the power trip of self. All the personalities have potential to be world-changers, powerhouse citizens, amazing adults. But it’s your job as their parent to do some molding and some teaching and some discipline along the way.

Use that to your advantage. Discipline your children. Don’t make excuses for them unless you want an adult child that is entitled and full of excuses. Life is tough and hard times will come. You want to empower your children to not only survive, but also to thrive. Excuses are not the way. Gratitude, humility, truth, and consequences are tools that will help your child rise above situations that are sure to come their way in the future. Excuses, anger, violence, and selfishness are not traits found on any road to success or joy.

As parents, we grow weary. I know because I’ve been there. I’ve been weary to my core. But when it comes to values that are this important to the character development of your child, keep marching, mama.

Unbreakable Rule #2

Never mistreat an animal.

I have friends that post animal abuse cases on social media. I wish they wouldn’t and I understand why they do. Awareness is important but ignorance certainly is bliss while scrolling. Because when I come upon a picture of a dog, battered and abused, or a cat that was set on fire, I cannot get those images out of my mind. It makes me physically sick and incredibly sad.

And I have to wonder how anyone could think it is OK to treat an animal that way.

I recently read a quote by Bradley Miller, “Teaching a child not to step on a caterpillar is as valuable to the child as it is to the caterpillar.”

That made me stop and think.

As a parent, I had embraced this idea, even though I had not thought of it in that way.

I have a lot of compassion for animals, and I do not like the careless way I see parents disregard their children’s behavior with animals.

As a new, young parent and someone who had been taught by my grandma to show compassion to animals, I didn’t put much philosophical thought into the vigor with which I demanded my children to be kind and gentle to all of God’s creatures.

Yet now I see the value in not just suggesting we show compassion to animals, but in demanding we not allow ourselves to ever use our size, our intelligence, or our privilege to mistreat an animal – or anyone or anything, for that matter.

Nurturing a compassion and sympathy for animals has a way of staying with a child. It has a way of transferring over to their treatment of others. And it certainly teaches that behavior is important regardless of the audience.

“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him,” a popular quote attributed to many people over the years may be well circulated, but its truth is ageless.

If you really want your child to not bully, stand up for the underdog, be kind, foster compassion, and lead with a strong mind but gentle hand, start by modeling and expecting gentle, compassionate, kind handling of animals.

And I don’t mean they aren’t allowed to just do the truly horrendous things.

This means pulling the cat’s tail is not funny.

This means you cannot kick at the dog when you’re frustrated.

This means recognizing that the puppy isn’t a ‘bad dog,’ he just has a very small bladder and a short attention span.

This means you don’t beat on the fish tanks to scare the fish. Yes, even that.

This means you teach them how to properly hold and carry animals and if they are too young or unable to do so, it means you don’t allow them to drag the animal around anyway. Even if you think the dog doesn’t mind. Even if the cat will live through it. Because you are TEACHING your child something. It’s not just about them getting their way, it’s about the comfort and proper care of an animal who is smaller and at their mercy.

When you have such a golden opportunity right in front of you, teach mercy.

Even the least are protected by this rule

This also means you don’t pull the wings off of a dragonfly, or the legs off of an ant.

Not because the creation is to be worshiped above the Creator. Not because I’m getting all crazy about it.

I confess: spiders live a very short life if they move into our house.

If you only read that I’m a bug fanatic, you’re missing the point.

Take EVERY opportunity to teach your child to exercise mercy, make decisions, and use their strength based not just on self, but on the comfort and care of those around them.

Valuable Rules for All Kids

I honestly believe that these two rules alone have the power to change so many things in our communities and our world.

Respect, kindness, and compassion are attributes that will serve your child well throughout their lives. You will not regret holding fast to these rules and enforcing them despite the tantrums and crocodile tears.

“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”
NKJV Bible, Galatians 6:9

I know that verse isn’t usually quoted as parenting advice, but it does apply.

I see the fruit in my grown children. The two unbreakable rules became personality attributes, not just rules to be followed. My kids exhibit kindness, mercy, respect, and self-discipline.

These traits are not automatically downloaded into your little bundle of joy, no matter how adorable your kid is. Humans default to selfishness, whether we’d like to think so or not. As parents, every lesson you teach, every action you model, every rule you insist upon, builds character, good or bad. To deny our responsibility is to deny our children their best life and their best blessing.

What you pour into a child matters.

The Rules at Our House – One More Thing

It’s not that we never lost patience – with the puppy’s bladder or each other – rather, it’s that we huffed and puffed occasionally, then chose the best way until the choosing became a habit instead of a choice and the rule became a character trait instead of a rule.